Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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