Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
