Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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