I'm eating all of the evidence.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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