apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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