yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
