So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize