Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i came on her dog
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
