i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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