Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
