i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
