I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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