So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
