This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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