youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
