ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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