Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
me + whiskey = a bad person
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
