I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
