I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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