A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
