Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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