I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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