Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize