i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Im part way to drunk.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
