Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
