maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
