I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize