Can i not drive my cunt home
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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