Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize