Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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