mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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