he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
