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I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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