My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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