arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
