I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
