He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
