We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
