he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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