I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
