well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
