so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
