I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
