ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
