apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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