Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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