Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
