dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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