I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
