Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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