No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
