drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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