need another drink. this is the easiest way
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
