i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
