LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
They took my balls.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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