Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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