u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
