Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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