Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
