just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
