I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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