My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
