captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we're making bets on your personal life
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
