i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
