Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
