well I can't set my house on fire every night
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We're too hungover to prance.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
