Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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