I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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