You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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