Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
