It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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