then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
