She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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