READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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