it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
