It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
