We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
