yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
