All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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