literally had 100 drinks last night.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
