who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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