Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
