Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
