after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Randomize
