my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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