And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize