I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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