Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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