Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
