Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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