Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I wish there were birth control emojis
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
