We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
