Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
