are you so shy because you have an std?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize