the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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