I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
