Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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