oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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