so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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