so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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