Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
