Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
